I will miss this..

This was my last night of any practice with Sacred. I'm praying it's not my last practice entirely, with any league, because I love this sport so very much and I don't want to give it up for any small reason like moving. I am going to put in for a transfer to the B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls (BAD) if my work lets me have the schedule for it with school classes, as well. We'll see..

But tonight I tried my very hardest to not make it about me. I got together with one of my teammates, Harsh Mello, who transferred from Bellingham Roller Dames(pretty sure that was their name), and she and another skater from the Fast Track program, Kiersten, brought their video cameras to practice. Miss Behaved was coaching, and she let us set up the cameras, one on top of the office on a tripod in an attempt to get as much of the track as possible, and the other in my hand to follow them as the skated by. I always wanted someone to take video of me skating around the track so I could show my family and friends my progress and so I could set personal goals for myself to overcome. I wanted them to make goals that were attainable, rather than "I want to skate like Susie HotRod", which, while highly possible, is not a very practical goal when you're just learning how to do everything to begin with. Plus, I don't want them to ever compare themselves to someone else, because we are all capable of greatness in our own ways.

After we filmed everyone skating and stopping, a few of us went out for drinks. I had a beer, provided to me by my fabulous derby friends, and then they decided to go around to tell me all the reasons why they would miss me. 

That almost got to me. At first it was mostly just fun things that make you smile and nod like, 'you're a ray of sunshine', 'you're always so cheery', and my personal favorite, 'you're not leaving, you just haven't accepted it yet'. But then it took a turn for the serious when Stache dropped a small speech about how I remind her of 'The OG', or The Original Group(or was it Old Girls?). How they had a genuine family feel that tethered everyone together. I almost cried.. But I didn't. Just tucked my chin into my neck and tried not to let my eyes leak.

I am going to miss all of these fabulous humans very very much.

I'm going to miss the way I cough at the end of practice after stretching down because of the dust in my lungs.

I'll miss the smell of sweat, oddly enough, because it's the smell of determination.

I'll miss hearing wind blow past my ear and helmet as I do warm up laps.

I'll miss hands in, and trying to think of something awesome to say, but only coming up with something crazy like 'Booty Sweat'.

I will miss seeing my brother and twin sister every week.

I will miss pestering my coworkers to clean things with strange notes left all over the store.

I will NOT miss entitled bratty customers who don't want to pay for the extra extra caramel in their drink who don't understand why I wont let them pay with someone ELSES credit card. Won't miss that even a little bit. Nope.

But everything ELSE? Definitely.

This past year has been full of challenges for me, both good and bad. I genuinely wish I had more initiative to sit down and write more, as it is a very good outlet for me.

It was really rough for me in the beginning, trying to adjust to a new place with new friends, new coworkers, new pet, new hobbies, and new activity level. I have learned so much about who I am as a person, and what I am capable of. Some of which has surprised me, and some of it was exactly as I expected. But I couldn't have done all of it if I didn't have family, friends, and an incredible league cheering me on. Yeah, there were some people who openly told me they didn't want me to continue, and there were those who were needlessly worried about me. My favorite were the one's who scoffed at me. But here I am. I am one hundred times more confident, not only in my individuality, but also in my femininity, in how I carry myself, and in my approach with people.

And I'm only gonna keep going. So I'll let you all keep wondering. ;)

Best! Practice! EVER!

During practice tonight, 4Closer had talked to us about a strategy that had been keeping her up at night while she tried to figure it out. She presented it to us and we practiced it hard for about forty minutes before she started implementing it during our scrimmage practice time. By the time we were scrimmaging, we were all pretty tired, and probably ready to go home and take nice long Epsom salt baths.

I was put on team Blue and our acting captain was Neill 'N' Weep. Team Red's captain was Daddy's Girl, or DG. We only scrimmaged for about a half an hour, and 4Closer was watching us on the sidelines with a specific rule for only herself and captain's to communicate with the teams from the benches. Every jam, I felt like I wasn't succeeding at being a effective blocker as I kept losing my buddy and letting the jammer slide right past me. Every time I looked over at 4, she seemed frustrated that we weren't creating strong enough walls to keep the Red team back, and that frustrated me knowing that I wasn't doing my job right. I kept getting great advice from my team about better ways to stick together and hold the jammer back. I tried to store the information in my head without letting it get to me, because I know that if I get inside my own head, I will only get worse. My own demons just continue to whisper to me about how terrible I am, and, sadly, I listen. So every time I sat down, I focused on the game, and I reminded myself, "It's just a game. Have a little fun. Stay with your buddy. Be the effective blocker I know you can be."

The last jam of the night, I went out with Neill 'N' Weep, YB Normal, and Black Venom. Of the four of us, I know that Neill is the strongest. She's on the A Team for crying out loud. So I knew that even if I lost my own buddy, if I stuck near her, I would be at least somewhat effective. Our jammer was Skirt Vonna Gut, a transfer from Silicon Valley. I remembered hearing her tell me, "Help me through their walls," and I kept thinking about what 4 had told me, "Communicate with your pack," and I kept reminding myself, "Stick with Neill."

The opposing team was comprised of A team players and B team players, and that alone was enough to make me at least a little clammy. The whistles blew, and I started 'playing' with the opposing blockers, getting distracted and losing track of Daddy's Girl, who was Red's jammer. I watched as she just cruised right by me. I watched her speed around turn one and saw 4Closer on the sideline shaking her head. There was that tiny demon again, "YOU SUCK!"

"Where's Skirty?" I thought.

I looked over my shoulder and realized that Skirty was still in the pack with me, and I tried to make a hole for her. I helped her get out, only to be lapped again by DG. But at least my jammer was out and able to make points the next time I saw her. I quickly skated back up to my buddy, YB. The pack started really moving, and I tried to continue to break up the red teams walls. I realized I was surrounded by only red jerseys, and then I heard Mazel ToughCocktail holler to Virgenocide, both on team Red, "GET CHERYL! GET CHERYL!"

I'm certain my eyes probably bugged out of my head at this point, because there was no way I was going to be a standing point without fighting to keep it from them. And I made sure that they knew this by shouting as loudly and as angrily as I could, "NO!"

It actually shocked me how throaty it sounded, and I blazed right past Virgy as I suddenly got tunnel vision on Neill and tried to get to her as fast as I could. We flew through turn 3 and 4 as DG came at us quickly into turn 1. I'm not certain if I actually shouted it or if it was all in my head, but the only thing that came to my mind was WALL! WALL! WALL! I watched as DG tried to skate past Neill as I slide up beside her and hit her. I didn't just hit her like I usually hit people.. I am still pretty green, and I have a terrible time getting enough power to actually hit effectively, but I actually HIT Daddy's Girl OUT!! I could hear my team cheering for me on the bench as I slowly started to realize what just happened. But without thinking about it anymore, I slid to fill another hole in our wall and spread my feet as wide as I dared without toppling over, as I always do, trying to implement a stop method that Skirty and Dirty8 Special had told me about earlier in practice. It was at this moment that Daddy's Girl, one of the most intimidating jammers to me, that I love skating against purely because I love to learn and hate skating against because she's SO INTIMIDATING, threw up her hands at her jam ref in frustration. I'm certain it was just because she was tired, and it was the end of a really long night, and I have a sneaky suspicion that some of the A skaters have been holding back around me(which bugs me), but it made my whole week a thousand times more awesome. It was the pinnacle of my derby career thus far, and it was absolutely amazing! When I got back to the bench, I had my butt rubbed and my helmet slapped! People cheered my name, which I have never had happen before, having never played an organized sport before, and at hands in, they said, "We heart you, Clobber!" I almost cried. And afterward we went out for drinks, and they bought me a beer!

BEST! PRACTICE! EVER!!

SACRED POR VIDA!

Jayne Clobber, #704

I'm finally in the 'big girl' league, and after being there only a few weeks, I feel like I'm really improving.

Of course, trying to attend every practice every day of the week, even if it's not my own practice time, has probably helped that a lot..

I finally decided on my derby name, even submitted it to be registered with my very own derby number. 

Jayne Clobber, #704.

I originally wanted it to be 7/4, but the number 74 is a number that's already been registered to the league by a recently retired skater, so I can't register it.. It's my mom's birthday. :) I think she would have been my biggest fan, and she would have been really proud of me for having gotten this far by pushing myself, so I should honor her in some way. Plus, she was awesome, duh, and her birthday was Independence Day, so how could I not go with it? A little patriotism is always a good idea. ;)

Can't wait to repaint my helmet this weekend!

I'm a Big Girl Now!!

I finally graduated out of the Fast Track program with Sacred! I'm no longer a sophomore skater, I'm in the league! In the pool to be drafted! I've finally earned the right to choose a derby name!

There was a bit of confusion about when the girls who were testing to move up would find out, but I did it! WE did it! All four of the girls that tested moved up into the league!!

Just over a full year of hard work and effort from about a dozen coaches and my own will to succeed!

For the nay-sayers who said they didn't want me to play, or thought that I would give up because I wasn't tough enough I say this, "HA! IN YOUR FACE! Please come to my first bout when I know when it is!!"

Found a Home

Found a place to live AND a new store to transfer to! I'm moving back to the bay, as I always had planned on doing, and now I don't want to go.

Funny how life changes you that way. I think in saying it all the time, I didn't realize how much fun I was having where I was. It's definitely a bittersweet notion for me right now.

There are a lot of things that I would rather not leave behind in Sacramento.. Mostly people, but that's the nice thing about being only 80 odd miles away, visiting isn't completely unheard of. I move at the end of October because my manager can't lose me until then.

Moving Again

Carl has decided to move in with his fabulous girlfriend in the house she's going to buy in the next year..

I guess it's time to find a new place for Whiskey and I to live!

Whiskey Rhea Pascoe Ogren

Well! It's been about 4 months since my last post(shame shame, Cheryl!), and A LOT has happened!

Let's see, where to start?

Well! My bio-Dad is getting married next month.
Roller Derby evaluations are next week.
I had an excellent work review last month.

AND, for my favorite and the BEST news yet!
I GOT A DOG!!!!!!

She's amazing in EVERY WAY!

I'm almost one hundred percent certain that my friends are getting annoyed of me frequently telling them about how amazing she is, and about the interesting new discoveries I've been making on the way. Especially my best friend, since for the past week I've only been sending him short messages containing phrases such as, "She's the best puppy ever!", "OMG I love her so much!", and "I love being a doggy mama, she walks to well!!" Poor guy.. I've also flooded several friends with pictures of my obnoxiously adorable pup as often as I possibly can.

Her name is Whiskey Rhea Pascoe Ogren(more on her name in a minute). She's a shepherd mystery mix, about 5 months old, 20-30 pounds, and about the size of a beagle. She's super smart, and learns very quickly! She's a bit of a licker, and she loves to play with balls, ropes, and other doggies. She doesn't seem to care too much about cats, unless they're running, and then she wants to play chase.
She's crate trained, potty trained, knows sit and down, she walks really well on leash(with a proper collar), and she knows to keep out of the kitchen and the garage and off of furniture.
Seriously, she's perfect in every puppy way!!

It took me about nine months before my brother was convinced that I was a responsible enough human to adopt a dog. I hunted www.petfinder.com and frequently visited the SPCA. I finally found a puppy dog that mostly fit the criteria I was permitted to have in my rented bedroom. She's technically fluffier than I'm supposed to be allowed, but I knew I had to meet her after I saw the ad. Ultimately, I wanted a pitbull or a mastiff.. If I had my way, I'd be snuggling every night with a newfoundland in my bed. But Carl had some rules on size, shedding quantity, droolers, and square headed breeds, limiting my selection astronomically.

But there she is! Laying on my floor next to my feet, chillin' like a little adorable villain.

Now.. About that crazy long name.. Every bit of it has a meaning behind it, and I didn't go into choosing them lightly. In fact, she spent several days being called 'Puppy', 'Doggy', and a various assortment of other possible names that I kept coming up with.
I was originally going to name her Rhea, which is the name of the mythological Titan Queen.. Pretty sure I read the wrong article about her, or misread it somehow, because I keep telling people Rhea was the first goddess(WRONG!), and the mother of Zeus(Alright, one out of two..). Anyway, I wanted to call her Rhea, not just because it's a pretty name, but because she is the mother of greatness. And I'm fairly certain that my fabulous puppy will be the mother of greatness. Not literally, of course, but figuratively.
She is Whiskey not only because I enjoy drinking whiskey, but also because of a myriad of other excellent reasons.. Like the color. Whiskey is brown.. So is my Whiskey! :D Whiskey tends to make people excited, the dog can be excitable..  Whiskey is sometimes described as smooth, my Whiskey has smooth fur! :D
Now.. Her last names.. Yes, you may have noticed she has two. There's a good reason for that.
Ogren is my surname. Born with it, stuck with it, so she is, too.
Pascoe, however, is a name that she has to earn.
The Pascoe name is from my pseudo family. I consider them a very important part of me, especially since they helped me through a very difficult time in my own life. They are the hardest working, most passionate people I know. They are loyal, trustworthy, intelligent, communicative, loving, gentle, forward, and genuine. Aside from the fact that my pseudo-Dad called her a 'Pascoe Ogren', I want her to have a name that she can live up to. As well as for me to hold her accountable to.

I am anxious to work with her every day! When I'm at work, I think about taking her for a walk after, and when I'm at home with her, I am frequently coaxing her to learn her new name, to perfect sit, down, come.. Soon I'll be able to teach her fancy tricks, and when she's old enough I can't wait to take her running with me, or skating with me!
I've wanted a dog I could actually call mine for years. I've been looking for a dog for three years!
This is a huge adventure to me, and I'm so glad to have her! She really is super puppy!

I'm Passionate About This Sport

I love roller derby.
I love my team. I love the sport. I love being a part of something that's bigger than me. I love being surrounded by competitive women who only want to help me succeed. I love being a part of a team that, not only rocks the western nation, but the socks of my neighbors, peers, and friends.
Roller Derby is an awesome sport to be a part of. And a huge family to be in. And it's the only thing I've started doing that I knew I was meant to do.

I got back on my skates last Saturday, and I was really nervous! I was scared that I was going to fall and hurt myself again and get put back in a brace and be out of work for another 6 weeks. Cannot tell you how much that thought scares me. But what bothers me more than losing my job, is being told that Roller Derby is a bad idea for me to be doing. Mostly the only people that say this are my coworkers, and from their stand point, I can understand why they think it's crazy for me to continue with it. But if they knew how miserable I have been for the last few years, they might realize that when I find something that I'm passionate about, I stick with it.

I'm passionate about my relationship with Christ. How He lives through me, helps me through every step of my life. Christ is in me.
I'm passionate about quality, in my workplace, school, or at home. The things I purchase, how I do things, how I treat people.. Quality drives me.
I'm passionate about Africa. About the people there, about their living conditions, and how much they need help. Africa stays in my heart always.
I'm passionate about animal wellness, particularly in dogs.
And I'm passionate about Roller Derby.

It's bothered me over the past few months while I've been out on disability when people have scoffed at me when I've said that I was going to return to skating. "Cheryl, you're not going to keep skating, are you? But you hurt yourself!"
If I was your child, would you tell me to stop trying to walk just because I fell down? Or stop letting me ride a bike just because I scraped my knee? If your child was trying out for soccer, would you push them to quit if it was something that made them happy? No, you probably wouldn't.

Tonight was the first bout against our new home teams. The Trainwreckers vs The Donna Party. And it was AWESOME! I connected with a few girls who have been skating within the league for a few years, but are yet to graduate to the teams. They told me that when I got back on my skates, I looked better than I did before I got hurt! And then they encouraged me to stick with it, and to not give up. Because soon I'd be moving up, and on a league team.

Frankly, I don't mind being in the lowest level group. Being in Fresh Meat means that I get to better hone my skater skills and learn to be more confident on my wheels. When I graduate to Fast Track, I'll learn strategy and how to take hits and such. And then there's the 'Big Girls'. My goal is to make it onto the travel team roster one day, and take it to Nationals.
And that goal is completely attainable. If I stick with it, forget the word "can't", and listen to what my coaches are telling me, I'll totally be able to do it. As long as my team continues to want me there, and continues to be as awesome as they always are, I'll always want to skate here. And no one can tell me I can't, or I shouldn't. Because, gosh darn it! I'm passionate about this sport!! :)